Channelers and the Men Who Love Them; S1 E3 Milkshake

Channelers and the Men Who Love Them

Episode Three – Milkshake

Elaida turned to make a quick exit and came face to face with Siuan Sanche. This could be bad.

“Well, well, well. So you’re the one behind Moiraine’s giggles.”

“Really? I mean, I have no idea what you are referring to.” Her notes made Moiraine smile? That fact made it hard for Elaida not to smile herself.

“Don’t play stupid. Or should I say stupider.”

“That’s not ev-“

“Shut up! I have you, Elaida. Oh yes, you…are…MINE! I know about your affair with Nynaeve and your little infatuation with Moiraine. In exchange for keeping your secrets just that, you will have to become my servant.”

“I will not!”

“Fine, then you’ll be my slave.”

Elaida knew this would be bad. But just this once she would have liked to have been wrong.


“Whoa, Moiraine, wait up!”

Moiraine kept walking hoping he would get the hint. Light, how she prayed he would just give up and go away.

“Moiraine! MOI-RAINE!!!”

“Light Rand, you don’t have to yell in my ear!” The bloody fool looked confused. Well, actually he always looked like that. “What do you want?”

“Do you remember when we switched bodies?”

If he hadn’t been standing there with a dead serious look on his face, Moiraine would have slapped him for such a stupid joke. “Rand, that never happened.”

“Dude, don’t you remember? You were there, I was there, your ma was there. Remember?”

“My mother died when I was seven. I don’t know what you put in your pipe, but I suggest you cut back.”

Rand nodded in agreement a few times before a fit of giggles came over him. Light help her and the world.

“Moiraine, you don’t look so good. Like, I mean, you look good, just not…good. Like, I like looking at you and stuff, ’cause you look good, but right now you look….”

Fainting wasn’t pleasant, but at least she didn’t hear the rest of his dribble.


Nynaeve hated shifting through reports. And she wouldn’t have had to if not for Siuan. She didn’t think she could dislike anyone as much as
Moiraine. How wrong she was. Suddenly, Nynaeve felt a strong channeler approaching. It couldn’t be…

Cadsuane Melaidhrin strolled past her singing:

“My milkshake brings all the Warders to the yard
And they’re like, it’s better than yours
Damn right, it’s better than yours
I could teach you, but I have to bond.
My milkshake bring all the Warders to the yard…”

Nynaeve was still in shock at seeing the Green acting even stranger than usual, when Rand came bursting into the room.

“Nynaeve! Something, like, happened with Moi-” He tilted his head as if listening to something. “What’s a ‘milkshake’? And why do Warders like it so much? Like, is it a performance enhancer or something?”

“Rand, don’t make me hurt you. What happened with Moiraine?”

“Dude, you won’t believe this! I was talking about that time we switched bodies and she just like fainted and stuff.”

After a few sharp switches with Air Rand lead Nynaeve to Moiraine.


“Stop it, just stop it already! I don’t want to hear about mounds or pink candies! Enough is enough!” Thom shouted louder than necessary.

Before getting a chance for a comeback, Mat was tapped on the shoulder by Lan.

“Um, Moiraine’s ill. Nynaeve’s with her now.”

“I’m afraid we’ll have to continue this conversation later, Gleeman.”

As fast as he could Mat ran to the Yellows quarters. Nynaeve hissed at him before turning back to Moiraine who smiled weakly. Rand was smiling at him too. Rand?

“What are you doing here?”

“Like, we were talking when she just like fainted and stuff.”

“WHAT!? What did you do to her?”

Rand shrieked and then proceeded to run in circles to avoid Mat’s spear.

“Matrim Cauthorn! You’re the one who did this to Moiraine, not Rand!”

Mat stopped his chase and Rand his whimpering.

“What? How?”

Nynaeve sniffed. And as if an afterthought gave her braid a tug. “She’s pregnant.”

It was now Mat’s turn to shriek.

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