Channelers and the Men Who Love Them; S1 E5 One Thing

Channelers and the Men Who Love Them

Episode Five – One Thing

Moiraine was pleasantly surprised to discover that dinner with Siuan was in fact a feast in the baby’s honor. All the women in town, including Rand, were present and bearing gifts. After ooo-ing and aww-ing over rattles and stuffed animals, Cadsuane handed a knife to Rand and pronounced it as cake time.

“Put that knife down, Rand al’ Thor!”

“How did Lews get out of my head?!”

Confusion settled over the party. Oh, not over Rand, everyone knew he was crazy, but over the fat blonde woman shouting in the doorway. Moiraine, however, recognized her niece.”Elayne, to what do we owe the pleasure?”

Confusion was replaced with shock, and Cadsuane said what everyone was thinking (“How’d she get so fat?”), but Elayne ignored them.

“I am here for two reasons. One, to find out why Rand hasn’t even sent so much as a note to his two big headed kids, and two to give you a gift, Auntie.”

Rand appeared deep in thought, an illusion Moiraine thought worth appaluse. “I have children? But Min said you and Avi couldn’t have babies.”

Not wanting her cake destroyed by balefire, Moiraine stepped in. “What gift did you want to give me, Elayne?”

Elayne turned her plump face towards Moiraine. “Cairhien. I can’t rule two nations and raise twins at the same time.”

“…That’s very kind. But I’m afraid-“

“The throne is yours, Moiraine! I don’t want it anymore!”

“Elayne, you can’t just give up a throne like an old doll!”

“And why not? Besides, I’ve already made the decree about you being the new queen.”

Moiraine was only dimly aware of the gasps and mutters filling the room. She wasn’t ready to be a mother, let alone a queen.


Thom finally had the perfect shot. One flick of the knife and Mat would be dead. All he had to do was aim and-

“Duuuuuuuude! You guys will not believe what happened!”

Rand, followed by Cadsuane, stormed into the room without knocking. The Aes Sedai eyed Thom’s knife and gave him a sly smile.

Mat seemed not to notice. “What is it, Rand?”

“Elayne, who is like beyond fat, just made Moiraine the Queen of Cairhien! Isn’t that awesome?”

“No, not really.” Giving a heavy sigh, Mat wondered over to a window. “Look, I think you all better leave. When Moiraine gets back she’ll want to be alone.”


Nynaeve couldn’t stop thinking about her. Somehow, Elaida a’Roihan had cast a spell on her. She had to have her back if it was the last thing she did…for tonight, anyway. She finally found her, but before Nynaeve could open her mouth, Lan appeared.

“Look, Nynaeve. I found you a kitten.”

“That’s…great, Lan. Now if you’ll excuse me….”

“But, I thought, maybe, since we’re married…we could…you know….And I found you a kitty.”

“Wait. Are you telling me, you thought getting me a kitten would cause me to make love to you?!”

“Um, I’m guessing I was wrong?”


After Elayne’s fit Siuan had gotten herself drunk. A bad idea. Now that morning had come her head felt like a fish getting gutted. And she was all sticky.

“Hmph. About time you woke up. Go make us breakfast.”

There were no words for the feelings going through Siuan. Waking up to discover you were naked in bed with Cadsuane Melaidhrin was one thing. Waking up to discover you were naked in bed with Cadsuane Melaidhrin and Rand al’ Thor, was another.

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

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