A Question of Regret: Lan/Mo

[Iris 0]

i take no responsibility for authoring this piece. *smooths skirts*

A Question of Regret

(Early Days between Lan and Moiraine)

slighty M

 

 

Lan climbed the ladder up into the hayloft, Moiraine following. He had already tossed their saddlebags up, where they landed a-mess with the hay. The horses stood sleepily on the dark floor of the barn below. Lan sat down, opening his bag, as Moiraine's head popped up, followed by the rest of her. She gracefully moved from the ladder onto the hay-covered, wooden platform that would be there bed for the night.

 

“At least there are no leaks,” she said somewhat tiredly, glancing up at the rustic ceiling. Her hair and clothes were still soaking wet, as were Lan's, from the sudden downpour outside. Her dark hair slicked to her face and her normally modest dress clung to her revealingly. Lan deliberately looked into his bag. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed that Moiraine was suddenly appearing drier by the second. Wordlessly she moved over to him and did the same, extracting the water from his clothes using a weave of air and water, then directing it to fall over the edge of the loft onto the barn floor. One of the horses whickered in surprise, but then all was quiet again accept for the rain.

 

Moiraine brought her hand up to Lan's head. “How are you feeling, my Gaidin?” she asked.

 

Lan looked up at her from the contents of his bag. She looked very tired herself, yet she was still offering to give some of her own energy to sustain him. He removed her hand. “I'm fine,” he said.

 

Moiraine gave a small smile and retrieved her own bag, after which she sat back, opening it. She extracted an ivory comb and began running it through her air. Lan tried not to see as she did so—lush dark curls being pulled and then spiraling back. He hated, or rather loved, watching her do it. He couldn't decide how he felt about it. He couldn't decide how he felt about her. She was such a beautiful woman. Did he realize what he'd be getting himself into, bonding not only an Aes Sedai, but one who was stunningly gorgeous, promising to dog her heels for the rest of his life? But she wasn't a Green. He really wished she was.

 

Finally the combing ceased and Moiraine withdrew a small flask from her bag. Lan clenched his teeth. Her rose perfume. Was she trying to torture him? Or was she that innocent that she didn't even know she was torturing him? Really, he could believe she was. Then again, the woman always insisted on appearing her best, even when outrunning assassins or slaying Darkfriends. Some would could call it vanity, but Lan found it extremely attractive.

 

Lan forgot what he was even looking for and closed the bag, tossing it aside. He unfurled his blanket roll and laid it on top of the hay, not really caring whether it was neatly arranged. He looked up into the barn rafters as he laid back. That rose smell wafted to his nose, and unbidden thoughts started moving through his mind.

 

To make matters worse, Moiraine spoke. “Lan, don't look. I need to undress.”

 

Lan turned onto his side, his back to Moiraine, as he heard the rustle of silk which was no doubt her dress leaving her body. She was standing there right now, in her shift, garters, and stockings, he knew.

 

Moiraine hissed under her breath, “Unsnap, you Light Forsaken thing!”

 

Lan closed his eyes. Now she was talking to her garter, probably because it was snagged on her stocking. He imagined her slightly bent over, her shift lifted as she fiddled with a lace garter on her thigh. He had to suppress what he was feeling. It was insane, this bond. It was bad enough to follow around a gorgeous woman without laying a hand on her, at least in a sexual way, but it was worse that she could feel everything from him, emotionally and physically. Light, but he hoped the woman would just get in her blankets and go to sleep.

 

Moiraine made a vexed sound and he heard a rip. “That,” she said, “was my last pair of stockings.” She sighed irritably. “I suppose I'll have to mend it for now. Or go bare-legged.”

 

Bare-legged. Lan's blue eyes burned like two fires. He almost felt angry at her. Yet how could he, when she really didn't seem to know what she was doing? But how could she not? Didn't she feel him through the bond? Perhaps she assumed that what he felt wasn't really for her, but was rather a natural masculine state that occurred from time to time. One thing was certain--whenever he felt these things as strongly as he did now, Moiraine always started talking to herself, as if trying to distract from an awkward situation.

 

“Where's my blanket roll?” Moiraine spoke to no one, looking around.

 

Lan saw it in front of him, where it must have landed when he threw everything up. “Here,” he said somewhat harsher than intended, handing the roll back to Moiraine without looking. He felt her stand just behind him and take it. There there was the crackle of hay as she made herself a cushioned place to lay down.

 

“You can look now,” she said.

 

Lan turned to look at her. He wondered why he did. He could've just laid with his back to her and fallen asleep that way. But he turned like a fool, and there she was tucked in her blanket. He could see the strap of her shift on one of her bare shoulders as she laid on her side, her hands underneath her cheek.

 

The two looked at one another, the only light being a dim one that came from a lantern that hung on a nail in the loft. Lan walked over to the lantern and put it out--leaving a lantern lit in a barn was dangerous. Now the place was shrouded in complete darkness. He couldn't see Moiraine at all, which made him uneasy. He didn't like her being unguarded in any way. The drumming sound of rain added to his uneasiness and made him feel like his senses were dulled. A worried line crossed his brow.

 

“Moiraine, I can't see you at all,” he said.

 

“Is that a problem?” she asked in honest query.

 

“Yes. With this darkness and the sound of the rain, I can't see or hear as well as I should. It could affect my ability to protect you.”

 

“Well,” Moiraine said matter-of-factly, “then just move to closer to me.”

 

Worry suddenly mixed with those lustful feelings that had been briefly dampened. But even if lust was there, he had to do what he needed to protect her. Lan picked up his blanket roll and slowly moved closer to Moiraine, walking carefully so as not to step on her by mistake.

 

It was so dark he couldn't see her until finally she was just below him. She was laying on her back now, and Lan couldn't help think how beautiful she was, with her curls spread out around her head and the tops of her bare shoulders just exposed. She gave a small smile. “Don't step on me, Gaidin.”

 

Lan gave a small smile in return, which was unusual for him. He laid his blanket down beside her. He was very close to her, and he wondered if she shouldn't back away a little. But if he did, then maybe she would know he was trying to resist her. Best just to just leave it where it laid now.

 

Lan laid down on his back looking up at the ceiling, just barely able to make out the long, black structures that were beams. Moiraine rolled back onto her side, facing him. He wished she would roll over the other way. It would make things so much easier.

 

Suddenly he felt her hand on his face and he startled inwardly. Her finger ran the line of his hadori. “Do you never take this off?” she asked. “Even when you sleep?” Her voice was so pretty and silvery. He never realized he liked Cairhienin accents so much until meeting her.

 

“Never,” he replied. “Even when I sleep.” Lan continued to look upwards as her hand fell away from his face.

 

Moiraine gave a small laugh. “I'd hate to see what happened if I slept with my kesiera on. I'd probably wake up unable to find it in this mess of hair I have.”

 

“Your hair is beautiful,” Lan said without thinking. A sudden bubble of nervousness rose in him at that slip.

[Iris 0]

Moiraine made a small, throaty sound, apparently not taking his comment to heart. “Yes, I have heard that before. But it seems human nature to always want something other than what you have.” She gave another small laugh. “Unless of course the subject is Warders. My Warder is one thing I have that I would never change.” She said it lightheartedly, but she meant it sincerely. Looking at Lan through the darkness, she felt a surge of affection for him. She really felt blessed to have him by her side.

 

Lan laid there in silence. This woman would drive him to insanity with her ways if she really was too childish to figure it out soon.

 

Moiraine spoke again, but this time her voice was serious. “Do you regret it, Lan?” she asked.

 

Lan turned and looked at her, feeling a sudden change within her through the bond. Even in the darkness she looked concerned or sad. He couldn't tell. “Regret what?” he asked confusedly.

 

“Letting me bond you,” she said. “It's--” she faltered for a moment, “something that's secretly troubled me for some time. That is, I've wondered if you regret now it, or perhaps you will some day. Some times I feel things from you that I don't understand. I—I feel them now, to be honest. Like you despise me, and I don't know why.” Her voice quieted into a whisper as she finished, and her eyes held a worried look.

 

Is that how she was interpreting his frustration over wanting her so badly? He didn't despise her in the least. He just despised that he couldn't be with her completely.

 

“Moiraine, I don't despise you in any way, and I never will. I promise,” Lan said firmly, staring purposefully into her eyes.

 

Moiraine wasn't satisifed though. “Then what is it I feel from you, Gaidin? You harbor something toward me,” she said apprehensively.

 

Lan looked at her, wondering what to say. Should he just tell her? He had no idea how she would react. He sighed. “Go to sleep, Moiraine,” he said. His voice sounded tired, and even a touch exasperated. He wasn't exasperated with her, just with the situation.

 

Moiraine looked hurt and he immediately regretted telling her that, like he was dismissing her. She rolled over and put her back to him. He felt emotional pain surging through the bond. He looked at her back for a long moment. Then he reached out and touched her arm, but she shook him off. Very hurt, is what the bond told him. Angry. Sad. Worried. He touched her arm again, and sadness trumped everything, and an open need for reassurance emerged. He pulled her so he she rolled onto her back. He brought his face over hers so he could make out her dark eyes, which looked wet.

 

“Listen, Moiraine. I don't despise you.” Desire climbed within Lan as he held his face so close to hers, and felt the warmth of her body next to his. “I care for you so much.” He paused. “Sometimes I think I care for you too much.” He let that sink in for a minute, and he felt something like a strong ripple of surprise come from Moiraine. She understood what he meant. “It's not easy being beside a woman as beautiful as you day and night, without being more than her protector. I'm only a man, and if at times I feel frustrated, know that I'm not frustrated with you. It's just from feeling what a man feels, and not being able to satisfy that.”

 

Moiraine looked up at him, her dark eyes unreadable. Even the bond felt unreadable, like it was mixed up with too many things that shifted and moved too quickly to understand. But one thing that was readable was her beautiful face-- her deep, dark eyes, her delicate nose, and what he was sure were soft, supple lips. Her fair skin contrasting with her dark eyebrows and strands of dark hair that wisped across her face. She had to forgive him for feeling what he felt. No man could help himself being next to her.

 

Without warning Moiraine brought her hand around the back of his neck and pulled his face down to hers, her lips parting slightly as she kissed him. Then she released the kiss, letting his neck go as well. She opened her eyes and looked at him. She seemed nervous and even surprised—surprised at herself. She looked up at him as if waiting for an answer, not knowing what to expect.

 

The lust that ripped through Lan when their lips met didn't abate at all after she let him go. He pondered what to do next. She felt wildly nervous now through the bond. Did she want more, or did she want to back away? It was hard to tell. There was only one way to find out.

 

Lan slowly brought his face back to down to hers and gently kissed her lips. Then he found the answer he sought as latent desire suddenly rose to the surface within Moiraine. The more he kissed her, the more it spread. He put his tongue in her mouth, and he felt a little nervous bubble from her, but then she put hers in his and that desire within her suddenly seemed to engulf her. He kissed her forcefully, lust burning him. She brought her hands up to his neck, and the two were kissing passionately, and Lan couldn't help but notice surprising flickers of emotion coming from Moiraine through the bond—emotions that she quickly suppressed. Following her lead, he muted those same emotions within himself, instead focusing on the erotic desire he felt for her, so much so that it nearly ached. Before he even thought about it, his hands were pulling back her blankets, and he started touching her body over the silk of her shift. Every curve. Every softness. She sighed as his lips left hers. He kissed down her neck until the shift was in the way of the path his lips wanted to take. She sat up and he pulled it off over her head, and that pleasurable ache culminated at seeing her naked body. He pulled her forward, bringing her mouth back to his, and as he kissed her, he felt her hands move up to sides of his head, her thumbs pressing against his hadori and sliding it off.

 

She broke away from the kiss and gave a coy laugh. “So there is a time when you take it off.” She slipped the hadori around her own forehead. “How do I look?” she asked playfully.

 

The side of Lan's mouth lifted in a half smile as he regarded his hadori around her head, which somehow looked extremely attractive, like she she was some sort of Malkeiri warrior princess. A completely naked one. “You look gorgeous,” he said. He brought the back of his fingertips to her face and let his hand trail down her unclothed body. She gave a small smile, but her playful look was swept away as he felt desire roll over her in addition to himself. “Well, Moiraine,” he said. “I think after tonight you'd have to be mad to think I regret this bond.” She said nothing but only regarded him with eyes that were openly inviting, as he brought his face closer to hers.

[amy 0]

Wow, I really like it!

Mo/Lan is my favourite couple besides Mo/Siuan

I like your writing style too, and the descriptions, and when Mo wears his hadori with a playful look LOL

[Iris 0]

why thank you! er, i mean, i didn't write it! dah! my first-sister wrote it. her name is Iris. i pushed her through a terangreal, but she somehow she found an internet connection in that alternate world so she posts them under my name. she is a far more scandalous individual them myself.

 

*wonders if this is a symptom if impending insanity*

 

i have others of the Mo/Lan variety (by her!) but I have not posted them....

[amy 0]

i have others of the Mo/Lan variety (by her!) but I have not posted them....

 

Well, I hope you will post them, sooner or later..

[Iris 0]

sorry this is belated amy but if you want to read any my others you can PM me your email and i will send them to you. i just can't bring myself to post them publicly (although believe me theyre not nearly as explicit as some of the others on here )