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Part 6 Novices at the Tower (finally!)


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i think it's probably riddled with typos.

 

Pots, a Touch, and Surrendering

 

Moiraine stepped into the large kitchen through the door at the end of the dining hall. Servants in tower livery and cooks scurried about. Steam rose from large basins of water, dishes being tumbled in with small splashes. She wrinkled her nose slightly, knowing that within a few minutes she would be like a servant girl, sleeves rolled up to the elbows and forearms submerged in greasy, hot water. All because of Elaida. And herself. A flare of temper lighted again but then subsided as her eyes darted around the large room. Should she just start washing, or did she have to tell someone first?

 

As if her thoughts has been a summons, a more than pretty woman who looked to be in her early thirties approached her, looking her up and down, a large wooden spoon in her hand and a crisp, white apron fastened around her voluptuous hips.

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Moiraine awoke the next morning with a feeling in her stomach that could be described as nothing other than dread. She still felt angry too—angry at Elaida for what had happened and angry that this whole incident had spoiled the excitement she should be feeling about her first day of Novice classes. She moved through the room doing typical morning rituals, but a frown pulled at her mouth and she found herself sighing irritably at little things that went awry, like a stubborn knot in her hair or the water in the basin being too cold for comfort. She stopped herself as she brushed her teeth, seeing her expression in the mirror. She thought of Siuan. What would Siuan have told her? I won't let Elaida ruin things, Moiraine told herself. She thought of Siuan and touching the Source and breakfast with Myrelle and Sheriam in addition to the Tairen girl. There were so many things to look forward to today. She would not spend it bitter and angry and scowling like Elaida.

 

With that she deliberately relaxed her face and posture. Aes Sedai were known for their serenity, and Moiraine had to start somewhere. She even smiled a little, humming to herself, trying to pour some warmth on that icy, leaden feeling in her stomach. Suprisingly, it worked. Finally she stepped out into the sunny hallway, making her way down to Siuan's door. After a knock Siuan called to Moiraine to come in.

 

“Are you ready?” Moiraine asked brightly.

 

“Almost,” Siuan said, running a comb through her hair and stomping into a slipper at the same time. Moiraine moved over to the bed and started making it. “Oh, thanks,” Siuan said.

 

“It's nothing,” Moiraine replied with a smile.

 

“You're in awfully good mood,” Siuan said, setting the comb down on the shelf that held her toiletries. She picked up her toothbrush and began mixing the paste. “I expected you to be half-shaking this morning.”

 

Moiraine made a sound to indicate her disapproval at Siuan's assumption. “I'm not scared of Elaida,” she said firmly, sitting down on the bed. “I was feeling a little anxious, but I decided I was overreacting. There's a lot more to the day than Elaida's class.”

 

“True,” Siuan mumbled through her toothpaste then spit. She dabbed her mouth on the towel. “I think it'll be fine. She can't really do much to you in class any way, besides be sour. But it sounds like that's her regular state as it is. How were the pots?”

 

Moiraine made a face and lifted her hands, which were still a little wrinkly from the previous night's washing. Siuan moved over and lifted one to her face, examining it. “That's nothing,” she said playfully. “Look at this.” She spread her hands in front of Moiraine's face--a hard, white callous was at the base of each finger on her palm. “Fishing nets,” she said. “Just be glad your's will go away by tomorrow.” Siuan said all this with a smile--no self-pity about it. It seemed she said it to make Moiraine feel better, only it made Moiraine feel foolish for having internally bemoaned her raisined hands the night before.

 

“Shall we go?” Siuan asked. Moiraine hadn't realize Siuan opened the door.

 

“Let's,” she said, following Siuan out.

 

Breakfast with Myrelle and Sheriam in addition to Siuan was a good start to the day. They were joined by Ellid as well as another Novice, Rafela. It seemed neither Myrelle nor Sheriam had made any mention of the incident in the baths to anyone, nor did they bring it up, although Moiraine was sure Myrelle kept giving her knowing glances that were meant to be a comfort. Sheriam and Siuan seemed to be getting along well, which was odd considering the outward differences in their personalities. But then again Moiraine really liked Myrelle, and she knew she was as different from Myrelle as Sheriam was from Siuan. Yet they all made one comfortable clique together as well as in their separate pairs.

 

Classes went very well for Moiraine, who tested out of Novice history and the Old Tongue. She was told she could spend her free time in the library or in her room, whichever she preferred, as long as she made good use of it. Moiraine opted for the library, where she attempted to find books on Saidar, a subject that was completely new to her. It would be very rewarding to enter Elaida's class with more knowledge than was expected. She hoped it made the woman stew. She found many, and the day seemed to be getting better by the hour.

 

Classes were more than frustrating for Siuan, who was faced with the double-edged sword of not only being new, but being uneducated. She held her head straight and level despite the fact that she wanted to drop it on the table and cry. Class in the Old Tongue felt particularly defeating---watching Moiraine leave and then being faced with a subject that was beyond daunting, considering she could barely read or write in her current language. But she didn't let a hint of what she felt show on her face—at least she hoped she didn't. She did, however, let slip curses a number of times, to not only be caught once but twice. The Brown sister who taught the Old Tongue seemed to have snapped out of daydream at hearing this mumbled profanity, but even then she still seemed dreamy. Had it not been for the looks of the other girls in the class, whose eyes were all on Siuan, she probably would not have even known who had spoken. She gave Siuan a disapproving look, but continued on without any further action. Siuan had, after all, not meant for anyone else to hear it.

 

The Gray sister who taught history was less lenient, however. She made an embarrassing show of Siuan in front of the class, and told Siuan that if she ever uttered such a word in her presence again, she would be shown the door and would not be welcome back until Merean Sedai had sored her bottom so badly she'd have to stand. Siuan blushed, something she rarely did, and spent the rest of the class with her teeth nearly fused together. She looked down at the text, contemplating the hundreds of pages of script that were illegible to her, for all practical purposes. She felt like she was barely clinging to the bottom-most rung, her only strength being the one she didn't yet understand---her strength in the One Power. Despite Moiraine's incident with Elaida though, Siuan was almost looking forward to attending her class. Perhaps in Elaida's class she would be able to do something well.

 

Their clique reconvened for lunch, with Siuan in a bit of a temper over her embarrassment in History. Her stormy mood lightened however when Moiraine began telling Siuan about all she had read in the library---everything from embracing the source, to the different elements, to different types of weaves. Siuan forgot all about her earlier disgrace as she soaked it up as quickly as Moiraine poured it out, leaving Sheriam and Myrelle to find a topic to discuss amongst themselves. Finally Moiraine finished, nearly breathless. Siuan didn't realize she had eaten as quickly as Moiraine had spoken, having given no attention to the constant stream of bites she put into her mouth. Siuan looked down at her completely empty plate with a look of surprise, and Moiraine looked down at her own, which was entirely untouched, and the two shared a laugh.

Moiraine set into her lunch, asking Siuan about her other classes. Siuan nonchalantly told Moiraine how she was a completely fish-brained dunce, and how she got her hide verbally peeled by Talia Sedai in History.

 

“Oh, Siuan,” Moiraine said gently. “Your loose tongue is something I probably can't help you with, but what do you say we meet tonight to work on reading?”

 

Siuan sighed. “I suppose we should.” She paused, looking at Moiraine, who was looking down at her plate, spearing a vegetable. “Are you sure still want to do this Moiraine? Help me, I mean?”

 

Moiraine looked up, her fork almost to her mouth, but it stopped. “Yes, Siuan,” she said. “Now please stop asking me. I'm sure.”

 

“Alright,” Siuan said grumpily, shifting in her seat. Moiraine gave a small laugh and then ate her bite. “What?” Siuan asked.

 

Moiraine looked up at her. “Excuse me?”

 

“Why did you laugh?”

 

“Did I?”

 

“You did.” Siuan waited.

 

Moiraine shrugged, but she wore a half-smile. “I don't know.”

 

“Yes you do,” Siuan said, looking slightly indignant.

 

Moiraine sighed. Could she actually tell Siuan that her grumpy response was, well, cute? That was the only word that came to mind. Moiraine had never told anyone they were cute before. It seemed such an odd word. “You just acted grumpy and you made a face. It was,” she paused looking for a suitable synonym, while Siuan's eyebrows climbed up into her hair. “It was just sort of cute. That's all.” Moiraine blushed, then gave a piece of turnip a particularly hard spearing. Siuan snorted, saying nothing, but smiled. Moiraine didn't see as her eyes were fastened on her plate, her cheeks red. Siuan leaned casually on her hand, elbow on the table, looking around the hall while Moiraine ate quietly until the chime came to end lunch.

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At hearing the chime it was like that icy lump that Moiraine had worked so hard to thaw suddenly refroze. It also didn't help that she and Siuan ended on a somewhat awkward note. Moiraine rose, still not meeting Siuan's eyes, and the two fell into walking side by side down the busy corridor. They finally came to Elaida's class and Moiraine made to enter but Siuan stopped her, grabbing her arm. Moiraine looked up, Siuan looking down at her from her slightly taller height, her blue eyes concerned. She pushed Moiraine aside from the doorway, letting others enter while they stood aside.

 

“Are you okay?” Siuan asked.

 

“I'm fine,” Moiraine said. Moiraine looked away for a moment and then back again. Any fool who knew Daes Dae'mar knew that what she just did by looking away to the left and then back was a sure sign that she had just lied. That lump in her stomach felt so cold, like it was freezing her from the inside.

 

“You don't look fine,” Siuan said bluntly.

 

“Okay, I am a bit nervous now. Can you blame me?” she said defensively. She knew she couldn't carry herself as confidently as Siuan, even though she wished she could. And she still felt embarrassed at that comment being pried from her lunch.

 

Siuan's face softened. “Hey,” she said. She gave Moiraine's arm a squeeze, and Moiraine suddenly became aware of her friend's touch. “I'm behind you, remember? I've got your back?” Siuan's eyes narrowed slightly. “Are you upset with me? About what happened at lunch?”

 

Moiraine suddenly felt like she did when her nurse accused her of some mischief she had done, when she was sure she had hid it so well. Her dark eyes went wide for a moment and then she tried to speak, but the words all felt tangled.

 

“I'm sorry if I embarrassed you,” Siuan said before Moiraine managed to say anything.

 

Moiraine found her voice. “Don't worry, I'm not upset,” she said. “It was nothing.”

 

“Good,” Siuan said, still holding her arm. “Don't let Elaida get to you, okay? And don't act like a scared fish in a net, either,” Siuan said firmly but with a reassuring smile.

 

Moiraine smiled back. “I'll try not to.” Moiraine was usually only comfortable with physical affection as much as she intiated it—a unexpected touch from another had a tendency to make her uncomfortable. Yet Siuan's touch definitely had a thawing affect on that lump of ice, which came as a surprise.

 

“Let's go then,” Siuan said, letting go, and that icy lump in Moiraine seemed to harden again as she took her hand away.

 

* * *

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Elaida sat at a small table at the head of the class, tables with clusters of chairs arranged so that their occupiers would face her. She was painfully aware of each Novice who entered the class, all of them already known to her. The girls seated themselves at the tables, continuing to talk quietly in their usual banter until Elaida signaled for class to begin. Every time a person came through the door, her muscles tightened and her hearing sharpened, but each time it was the voice of one of the usual students. The more that entered and filled the tables, the more tense Elaida became, waiting to hear that tinkling, Cairhienin voice.

 

Of course Elaida wrote on a piece of parchment, appearing submerged in her own tasks. She was the teacher, she reminded herself, and needn't feel so desperate about the presence of one mere Novice in her class. But all to often the pen she held above the paper stopped moving as that knot of tension tightened her stomach with the creak of the door opening, only to be loosened and the pen resume its writing when the voice of the student who just entered did not belong to Moiraine Damodred.

 

It was time to begin class and it seemed the girl did not come. Perhaps she had been to ashamed to show herself. But just as Elaida stood, her usual signal for students to quiet themselves, a blue-eyed girl with brown hair who walked with an air of cool confidence entered the room, followed by a short, dark-haired girl who walked with an air of royal arrogance. The two took vacant seats at a table together, and Moiraine Damodred's dark eyes were nothing short of piercing, while Siuan Sanche's blue were the eyes of someone who was calmly surveying you with hidden knowledge. Not only that, but Siuan Sanche's eyes seemed somehow on the verge of insolence—an impression Elaida could not explain. Elaida felt herself bristle, but she turned her vision toward the rest of the class, scanning the room while she began instruction. Yet she felt overwhelming aware of the presence of both girls, her palms sweaty and her heart beating faster than its normal pace. In reality, Moiraine was in no better position than Elaida when it came to palms and heart-rate, for all she tried to suppress it behind an icy facade.

 

“Split up into groups and begin practicing,” Elaida said. Each girl in her class worked at a different pace, so classwide lectures were rarely necessary. Each girl knew where she stood in relation to her strength in the Power as well as her shortcomings, and she grouped herself with others of similar standing. Of course, Siuan and Moiraine were completely new to channeling and would need their initial lessons given by Elaida directly. Elaida walked over to Siuan and Moiraine with as much of an Aes Sedai's glide as she could muster. The two girls rose, and Elaida stood facing them both squarely. Moiraine and Siuan waited, both with the same facial expression each had worn upon entering the class.

 

Elaida felt her heart throw itself upward to her throat, but she spoke steadily. They were just Novices, after all, like any others. “You will both need to practice surrendering to Saidar. Your innate strength will be useless if you cannot access the Source. Hopefully, neither of you has a block?”

 

Siuan lifted her eyebrows slightly with a small shrug, as if she didn't know, but Moiraine spoke curtly. “No.” Dark, penetrating eyes stared at Elaida's.

 

Elaida looked to Siuan. “And you? You don't know?”

 

“She doesn't have one,” Moiraine said, an icy edge to her voice. Siuan looked surprised. Moiraine had read about blocks in the library, but she hadn't even told Siuan about them at lunch because it didn't seem relevant to either of them.

 

“I asked, Siuan,” Elaida said, her voice like acid.

 

Moiraine was quiet but her dark eyes seemed to harden, despite the fact that she didn't narrow them at all. “I don't think I do,” Siuan said.

 

“We shall see,” Elaida replied. “Both you, close your eyes.” Both girls complied and Elaida felt herself relax slightly at the disappearance of that hard, dark-eyed stare. “You will both need to find an image in your mind that you will visualize each time you seek to embrace Saidar. Some imagine the bud of a flower opening its petals, others imagine a small stream opening its banks until it becomes a rushing river, and still yet others imagine a small beam of light that widens until its brightness illuminates everything surrounding it. There are others still beyond that. Select one and begin to visualize it, and as you do so, seek to become aware of Saidar, surrendering yourself to it.”

 

Elaida waited, watching the two girls with their eyes closed, faces relaxed yet still an undercurrent of concentration on each. Her eyes kept trying to fix themselves on Moiraine alone though, to take in every feature of her face while she was unaware.

 

“I feel it,” Moiraine whispered, her voice enraptured, her lips parting slightly. Elaida turned her vision to Moiraine completely now, studying her. Her face was the picture of surrender, and Elaida could see the glow of Saidar surrounding her like a white halo. Elaida felt her heart quicken, seeing Moiraine in this state. She looked unbelievably beautiful, surrendering herself to the elation of the One Power. What she wouldn't give to reach out and touch her in that moment, when she looked so heavenly.

 

“I feel it too,” came Siuan's voice in a timbre a stronger than Moiraine's. Siuan's face also held the expression of surrender and the glow surrounded her as well. Both girls looked as if nothing else in the world existed---a typical reaction of the newest Novices opening themselves to Saidar. One day they would learn to wield Saidar while faced with direst of circumstances, balancing the feel of that ecstasy with cold logic and calculation, but that would come with time. Now just the feel of Saidar was hardly really surrendering, when they felt like it almost controlled them with its touch.

 

“Release it,” Elaida said sharply. Both girls complied, Moiraine's dark eyes fluttering open and Siuan's lids slowly lifting from her blue. A deflated expression covered both their faces, a hollow feeling left behind when Saidar had fled. “You must learn not to become addicted to Saidar. Drawing too often or too much is dangerous—you could still yourself by doing so. You must always remember your head.” Elaida said that last phrase as if she meant it to burn, and the look in her eyes confirmed that that had been her intention. Siuan straightened slightly and Moiraine's eyes took on that icy hardness again. “What visualization did you use?” Elaida asked. She immediately wondered why she had asked such a question, surprising herself as it came from her mouth.

 

“The river,” Siuan said, in an unwavering tone, as if the rushing river of her imagination had somehow left a mark of its strength on her.

 

“A rosebud,” Moiraine said, her voice softer but her eyes penetrating even more than before.

 

Elaida spoke. “You are not allowed to embrace Saidar except in my class. When you have my permission, you may begin embracing it elsewhere. This is your first and most important lesson: self control. I know for at least for one of you, that will be a difficult lesson to learn.” And she walked away without a second glance, to tend to the other groups. Both Siuan and Moiraine looked after her for a moment, but it was Siuan who turned first to Moiraine, eager to talk about the experience of surrendering. But Moiraine felt like she had to wrench her stare away from Elaida's back, as if by staring at it hard and long enough she could make the Accepted feel her hatred.

 

* * *

 

A rosebud. Elaida thought it was so fitting. The flower that would sting with its thorns when handled like any other flower. Yet, to touch the lushly beautiful, red petals was a reward worthy of the pain the flower initially gave. The flower that must be handled carefully. Delicately. Wisely. And it would be yours. Whether it was growing them for the Queen of Andor or arranging them in a vase in her chamber as Amyrlin, Elaida always enjoyed roses more than any other flower from then on.

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