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the first attempt


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All right, this is my first story. It is not thought out or planned, but I had a sudden urge to write as i saw fit... Well.. here goes...

Nynaeve almost cursed as she pulled another tangle from Elayne's hair. She wondered if the woman had even tried to brush it as it was so tangled that she could not imagine what she had been doing before all this had begun. Now, sitting beneeth a tree, she jerked at Elayne's hair feercely.

"Nynaeve!" Elayne squealed, trying to lean forward as the other pulled on her hair. Nynaeve sniffed and drew herself up to her full sitting position.

:Do you think for once Elayne you could try to listen to me? I told you not to go beyond those trees but no. The light ellumen you and i both! We could have been seen or worse..." She let Elayne think on those words as she finally brushed the last tangle out of her hair. Elayne gave a faint wince as she took her brush back from Nynaeve's hand.

"Well," she said softly,"at least I got the apples." She held up four or five apples, one's she had stole from a farmer's appletree not five or six yards away.

:Stupid girl, you could have een seen, and worse you could have been caught and ... and ..." Nynaeve was lost for words as she tuged on her braid, sniffing again and standing up. She wiped dust from her dress and peered around the tree in which they were hiding.

Suddinly a gasp was heard behind her and she turned. Elayne was gone!

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Nynaeve was suddenly in a panic. Where could Elayne have gotten to/ She pressed her lips together is thought and began running across the open space, looking for her friend almost everywhere. She did not see the man behind her as he drew closer from the shadow of a tall pine. He stopped just a few feet away from her and watched as she ran across the expanse of ground connecting the light forest to the farmer's hut.

Suddenly he grabbed her and spun her around to face him. His eyes were black as night and his face was hooded by a mask. She stiffened and prepared to channel, but suddenly she was flying through the air and landing on her back. Gasping for air she peered up through he trees and realized she had not been flying, but traveling. Somehow, the man had thrown her into some sort of time warp. She looked around and saw a dim reflection of plains and mountains... The world was a reflection of a world... a portal stone.. but who could have ported her by a portal stone? There was no steps, no stone....

Tell me if you want me to continue. I know it is crappy.

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It's not crappy =].

 

I felt confused about where they were or what they we're doing. But I enjoyed the small dramatic part. Keep going, it's how you get better. And it might turn out to be quiet intresting...I've always wished there was more about the portal stones, or some kind of side story. Though I'm not sure if they would have called what happened to Nynaeve a "time warp".(?)(Anyone else know what they might call it?) And maybe give a small explaination of how they got where they are. Unless it's part of your story to explain why later.

 

Hope I don't offend you, but there's a few spelling mistakes, but I'm not that great myself at spelling. Download this though, it's a spell checker. I use it often. (And before anyone can say otherwise, I try and learn from my spelling mistakes instead of solely relying on this :()

 

Download: Link

 

Once you type something, select it, right click, "spell check". (Only works for online things, such as forums,etc.)

 

But I hope to read more! :)

I enjoy fan fics! And I want to see where you take yours. Maybe seeing someone else write will motivate me to stop being lazy and finish my story lol.

Edited by AshSnow
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I'm certainly curious to know where the story is going... and Nynaeve ;-)

 

Like Ash said, a quick spell check and a careful once-over for some of the obvious punctuation typos would help a great deal. It makes any text easier to read. (Sorry, I'm a writer and copy-editor by profession and the typos just smack me in the face!)

 

*awaiting next installment*

 

EDIT: By the way, I think Firefox has a built-in spell check.

Edited by jan
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Standing up now, her eyes ajusting to the dull light that filtered through the trees, she took a few steps and stopped. A woman stood not far away, dresed all in white with a silver belt about her waist and long black hair tumbling down her back. What was most surprising to Nynaeve though was her eyes. They were so black they looked like diamonds, giving off a faint sparkle as she laughed softly and turned her head away from her. She ajusted her white silken skirts and placed her hands on her hips, now looking back at Nynaeve with an expression of light amusement present on her ivery face.

"Well well well, so you have come."

Her voice held a musical quality about it and Nynaeve wondered for a moment how she kept shifting from foot to foot every time the woman looked her way. She did not think anyone could move under that black-eyed stare.

"I... I was ported here by something or someone. Stop looking at me!

Her voice shook as she directed her gaze somewhere other that those eyes. The woman laughed richly, flpping her hand and a knife appearing in it as suddenly as if a gleeman had flipped his wrist. She advanced toard Nynaeve with a cool expression of faked sorrow on her face.

:Poor woman. I expect no one will find you here after you are dead. I could use the power but... Ah, no, I think I shall just kill you this way. It is much easier than leaving you to tell Rand you saw Lanfear, daughter of the night."

Her laugh made Nynaeve shiver with hatred for the woman and she prepared to channel. Lanfear was only a few feet away and somehow she doubted if she could do this without her seeing the glow of Saidar. She was just about to make up her mind when Elayne popped out of the shadows and ran to Nynaeve's side. You must wait for the next installment. I must think of more things to add.

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Elayne's hair seemed to be in a tangle again, a sign that she had run a long way from where she had been ported to. Lanfear looked up for a moment, startled at the other woman's sudden appearance. Her face smooth, Elayne was surrounded by the glow of Saidar as she looked at the other straight in the eye.

:Do you know what happens to those who try to hurt my friends?" Nynaeve knew Elayne was trying to be brave. She coudl see her hands shaking beneath the gloves on her hands. Lanfear chuckled and looked at her for a moment.

:Do you know what happens to those who do not listen to me child?" A flame appeared in her hand and she eyed Elayne darkly. 'Just this." Without another word, she threw the fire at Elayne's face, catching the girl's lovely golden curls afire! Elayne squealed and the glow vanished form around her, but this time, Nynaeve was angry. She looked at Elayne's hair, cast a weave of water and put the fire out. Without another glance at her friend, she cast a bar of pure white light at Lanfear's chest. The other woman looked utterly shocked when she saw it and ducked to avoid the Bailfire.

"I think we know perfectly well what happens you black-eyed chit!" Nynaeve said, a mild hiss to her voice, "I think i can guess what happens to those who..."

She stopped and fell to the ground, Lanfear having just cast a weave of sleep on the woman, silencing her. She had come up behind her without her knowing it and had placed an icy chill down Nynaeve's back before casting the weave about the other. Elayne, meanwhile was trying her best to not scream as another man came from the trees to inspect her.

As all this was occuring, an aes sedai drew the sceen in a notebook while in her study at the white tower. Verra had always been a seer, though not many knew it at the time. She dreamed it, then drew it as she saw it. This night, she had awoken to a candle falling from the table and nearly catching the patterned rug on fire. As it were, she thought that perhaps this had been a sign to draw this particular picture. Her dark brown eyes studied the drawing and as she drew the other details, she looked up at a knock.

Note: I sometimes like to add my own chars as a shift to the story. if anyone objects, let me know and i can take Verra Sedai away from the story. I just thought it would be an interesting twist to have a Sedai who could "see" and draw the sceens to make it more interesting.

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