A Cold Campsite (the chapter after "The Truth in Healing")

[Iris 0]

A Cold Campsite

 

Moiraine's pace did not slow all the way back to the campsite. The horses still stood tethered to a tall pine, their saddlebags still unpacked. Moiraine immediately went to her pack and unfastened it, the entire time keeping her back to Lan. She sat down on the forest floor and began unpacking her things, unfurling her blanket roll.

 

The air between them was thick enough to cut with a knife. Lan thought he had said the right thing, done the right thing, when he apologized back in the woods. But now Moiraine's reaction said he had been completely wrong. And not only was she cold and distant, but she was burning with a vindictive anger. “Bloody woman,” he thought, feeling frustration with himself as much as with her. “What does she want? She was crying like I manhandled and now she's mad after I apologize!” He knew Moiraine could feel his frustration, but he made no effort to dampen it. The women was as stubborn as a mule, so no doubt she would carry on this behavior until bloody Tarmon Gaidon.

 

Lan recognized that she made no effort to hide her unabated, seething anger, letting it flow into him like a torrent. “She's probably trying to torture me, or punish me. Too bad I don't even know what the offense is!” Lan left the campsite to collect firewood, his footfalls heavier than usual. “The kodi,” he thought. He needed to get away from this woman and assume the kodi. He made every effort to feed his anger into the flame, but it wasn't easy with her burning ball of emotion badgering him the entire time.

 

Meanwhile Moiraine's face was a perfect picture of fury while she sat at the campsite. She scowled, her lips pursed together and her eyebrows drawn down. She unpacked her things with more force than needed and began combing her dark hair with fast, vigorous motions. “Bloody, man! Bloody, bloody man! How dare he be angry with me? After toying with me like that! Burn him!” She slammed the comb back into her belt pouch. She reminded herself that he had been hallucinating from fever, but emotion burned away logic within her.

 

She couldn't really come up with a logical reason for being angry with him. In reality she was angry with the truth, or what she thought was the truth. But it was so much easier to be angry with Lan, angry with him for leading her on, albeit unintentionally. Angry at him for igniting those feelings within her again, for giving her hope that he killed so quickly. And the way he apologized to her! He would “never do something like this to her while he was conscious” it was “just something crazy from the fever.” As if wanting to make love to her would be something only an insane man would do! She laid her head down on Arrow's saddle, or slammed it down rather, in her anger. She gasped sharply and pressed her hand to her head.

[Iris 0]

Suddenly Lan appeard from the edge of the forest, carrying broken bits of dried wood for the fire, concern on his face. He must have run back. “Are you alright, Moiraine? I felt that you had been hurt.”

 

Moiraine looked at him with a disgusted expression on her face. “Hurt? I bumped my head on my saddle, Lan,” her voice heavy with condescension. She shook her head to emphasize her disapproval with his poor judgment and turned her back to him, laying down to sleep, still dressed. “There's was no way I'm sleeping in my shift tonight,” she thought. She wouldn't give Lan the satisfaction of seeing even her bare shoulders. “As if he would even find any satisfaction in it any way,” her scowl deepening. She pulled her blanket up high around her shoulders and feigned sleep.

 

After returning from the woods a second time, Lan dropped the firewood down. He knew Moiraine was still awake, that burning ball of anger still glowed fiercely. The kodi had helped Lan, but now that he was back in Moiraine's intolerable presence, he had a whole new batch of anger to feed into the flame. He squatted there looking at the dark firewood. Normally, Moiraine lit the fire using Saidar. He didn't want to ask anything of her, but seeing as they had no other way of lighting it, he would have to.

 

“Moiraine,” he said, trying to sound nonchalant, “would you mind lighting the fire?”

 

No response. Yet he knew she was still awake. He told himself he would not repeat what he had just said. He waitied. After a few minutes she still laid there in silence. “Bloody woman would let us starve to death,” he thought with annoyance. He had a difficult time keeping a patient tone. “Moiraine...”

 

Still no reponse. He refused to give her the satisfaction of frustrating him. “Fine,” he said in a curt, mature tone. “I obviously know you're still awake, and if you want to play some sort of childish game, then you can play alone. I refuse to be your playmate.”

 

Suddenly, the fire lit with such a blaze that Lan had to fall back on his hands to avoid getting scourged. Moiraine snuggled down into her blankets, apparently feeling a certain amount of satisfaction with herself. Lan couldn't help muse that he would have never thought an Aes Sedai could be so immature. Then again, she had shown that side of herself during their first meeting. Lan sighed, intending to get under her skin,“I hope one day you manage to outgrow this behavior, Moiraine Sedai.” He smiled as he felt a surge of anger from her.

 

Lan took out their rations and began warming the meat over the fire. He was famished after being healed. He looked over at Moiraine, who was still awake, her back to him like an icy barrier. He knew she felt weak as well, as the healer felt almost as weakened as the healed. He also knew her pride would get in the way of accepting any food from him, yet he didn't want to see the woman faint from her saddle tomorrow--the woman he swore to protect, the woman he owed his life to. He softened as these thoughts flowed through his mind. Thinking of Moiraine coming to harm always brought out the best in Lan, man of duty that he was. “Moiraine, you should eat,” he said gently. “Here, I've warmed some for you.”

 

Moiraine could smell the cooked meat and she felt her stomach burn with hunger, but she would not give Lan the satisfaction of doing her any favors. She continued to lay there in silence, shutting her eyes as if she could quickly fall asleep to avoid accepting anything from him, no matter how desperately she knew she needed it.

[Iris 0]

Being the more mature of the two, Lan got up with the dish and walked around to Moiraine's front side and squatted down. Moiraine shut her eyes and pretended to sleep. Lan pratically laughed out loud. “Moiraine, I know you're not asleep!” Moiraine continued to keep her eyes shut, face expressionless. Mischief glimmered in Lan's blue eyes, a quality that no one but Moiraine seemed to bring out in him. Lan took a large piece of meat in his hand, and gave Moiraine a hard pinch on the thigh. She sat up abruptly and opened her mouth to give him a few words that surely would flay him alive, but before any sound came out Lan stuffed the enormous bite of food into her small mouth. Her dark eyes widened with indignation, but her mouth was too full to even mutter a sound. Lan gave a satisfied smirk before rising to go back to his place by the fire.

 

Moiraine finished her plate. The first bite of food convinced her just how hungry she was, and for once she had to swallow her pride along with Lan's rations. When Lan was sitting back down, though, involved in his meal, she gave him a good whack on the back of the head with a flow of air. Lan smiled. “Just like Moiraine,” he thought. “Always needing to settle the score.”

 

After finishing her meal, drowsiness sent Moiraine off to slumber, but Lan laid awake for a long time, looking up at the star-laden sky. Moiraine's ball of emotion was quieted now, which gave him an opportunity to think clearly about what had happened that day. He felt a pang of guilt at having lied to her. He had never lied to her before. Although he was naturally truthful, he always felt especially obligated to be honest with her, knowing that she had to be honest with him. But he had to do what he thought was best, for both of them.

 

After an hour or so of looking at the sky, lost in thought, he turned to look at Moiraine, who had now rolled over onto her back in her sleep. Her one arm was outstretched above her head, her cheek laying against it. Her face looked so beautiful and serene, glowing in the moonlight. Her blanket had come down, her clothed breasts rising and falling with her breathing. He felt disappointed that she wasn't in her shift, but then immediately chastised himself for wanting to indulge in the guilty pleasure of looking at her breasts beneath the lacy silk that her shifts were always made of. He was Malkieri, always upholding the honor of women. Still, he was only a man, who loved a woman he couldn't have, yet one he slept next to every night.

 

Lan laid his head down, still looking at her. He thought back to that kiss in the woods. He still wasn't sure how that kiss happened. Moiraine wouldn't tell him, which led him to believe that he forced it on her. Yet he was sure he felt her kissing him back, her soft, delicate lips and her warm tongue. She did have her tongue in his mouth. Why would she do that? If he forced her, why would she have kissed him so openly, so deeply, mimicking the way he had been kissing her? Lan let his thoughts rove as he laid there staring at Moiraine. He remembered feeling the small of her back, the smoothness of her neck as his fingers tangled in her dark hair while he kissed her. He remembered the sensation of her legs open around him, while he pressed himself against her. He looked at the same pale neck now and wanted to kiss it so passionately, to slide off her dress and bring her over him and...

 

Suddenly, Moiraine inhaled deeply and changed her position while she slept. Not only did she inhale deeply, but her exhale came with a soft sigh of pleasure. Her delicate lips almost smiled. With all the force he could muster, Lan looked away. He had let himself become too aroused, and Moiraine had felt his arousal even in her sleep. In her sleep she was defenseless, a victim to his passion. It took all the strength he could muster not to turn back to her, to goad her into doing it again, to hear her sigh like that. But then there was always the risk she would awaken, and if she did she would probably slap him and start crying again. “Bloody confusing woman,” he mumbled. “Bloody confusing, gorgeous woman.” He assumed the kodi, and fed his passion into it. Fierce, burning passion. After emptying himself into the flame his, exhausted body fell into sleep.

[Kaitlin 22]

I'm glad to see her temper. Is Lan voicing some of her reflected anger when he's angry along with her? It seems like that's what you're doing with it. I like how you're dealing with the intricacies of the bond. It's really interesting and I'm looking forward to the next part. :3

[Iris 0]

Isn't Mo's temper so much fun?

 

Yes they are both angry and the bond is making it worse. Mo is angry b/c Lan said what he did and then when he came to his senses, he retracted it (a lie), giving her the impression he didn't and would never want her. But she knows she has no right to be mad at him really bc he was hallucinating, so this makes her angry with herself. She's also angry bc her hopes were totally dashed and feels like she made a fool of herself. Lan is angry because he thought he did the the right thing (or at least the best thing) by apologizing and telling her that lie. He thought she cried in the woods because he violated her and that lie was what she needed to hear, so he doesn't understand why she she's reacting like this now. But really he's angry at himself as well for violating her (he thinks) bc you know Lan can't stand to see a woman dishonored, and now hes the one that did it. He'a also angry at himself for possibly jeopardizing their bond.

 

Sorry if thats complicated! In short they're both mad at each other, and mad at themselves, and they're just feeding off of each other. They feel one another's anger but neither fully knows the reasons of why the other is angry. Both are keeping secrets, Mo that she wanted Lan to be with her and Lan lying to her that his confession of love was not true. The secrets will fester...

 

I finished the next part last night but it was late so im sure it has like 500 typos. Coming soon!

[Brynefan 2]

Yes, more please!

[Vertex 23]

Great one!

 

Me forgot to ask whatever happened to Lan's assailant? If Lan gets shoot, me imagines it is to get at Moiraine so it'd be really unsafe for her to start healing him directly without clearing the area or getting to safety.

 

The air between them was thick enough to cut with a knife.

 

You should avoid cliches like that, me thinks.

 

She was crying like I manhandled and . . .

 

manhandled her *nods*

 

The women was as stubborn as a mule, so no doubt she would carry on this behavior until bloody Tarmon Gaidon.

 

This is just a personal preference, but me'd remove so.

 

Yesyes, Moiraine's anger is loads of fun. I like this one more than the first...even if it isn't as noti.