Lan's Sewing Night

[AshSnow 0]

I hope the pain gets better soon, Tosh.

 

For some reason I picture younger women doing sewing circle stuff in the fifties and the knitting being something grannies did. The sewing would be more Mo/Siuan! They had men dressing up as women for laughs all the time then... maybe Lan has infiltrated the circle and is doing a very bad imitation of a fellow fifties girl and that is how they meet.

 

If Moiraine's also the aunt that never got married she needs to wear a pair of those cat glasses they made spinsters wear. You know the ones.

Inspired by Kaitlin!

 

Was super bored right now. So I wrote this. I have no idea if it'll be good or bad, I'll write the second half tomorrow if people like it. Where Lan does a bad job at his "Infiltration", and the introduction of Mo/Siuan. And...lots of other stuff. Lewis Therin will even get his turn! Who will shine more in the final moments of sewing, Lan or Therin!?! Who will win....

 

Lan's Sewing Night: Dressing up (Part 1)

 

Lan scoured his closet looking for a new dress. He had forgot to buy a new one. He had been looking at that new blue slim dress, with just a touch of white embroidery across it. It wasn't that he crossed dressed for fun...or enjoyed it...or anything of that sort. Certainly not. Lan gave a rough cough when a slight blush in his cheeks. It's just...

 

He had always enjoyed sewing. That's all. And that was all! The only girly thing he liked. He loved killing trollocs, Myrdraal, and the occasional duel...and all those other mainly man things, like showing off his glistening chest while sparing. *sigh* sparing is so wonderful.

Lan looked at the clock: "I'm going to be late!". He put on his fake breast forms and bra and threw his top on.

 

As much as he loved those things...sewing was his life! It wasn't just an important quality for a solider! It was a necessity! You never knew when your boots might get worn and start to fall apart. Or when your shirt would get torn from a sword that missed your heart by inches. Or when your fellow comrade was bleeding to death and needed to be stitched up. Though secretly...he suppose...he might, just might, enjoy making his own custom boxers. He just couldn't find boxers mainly enough for his manliness! He was the last and uncrowned king of Malkier after all!

 

And Lan Mandragoran would not miss this class! He swore by his honor! Duty heavier than a mountain,and death lighter than a feather! Besides they were teaching Plucking the Low-hanging Apple the last crucial step he needed for completing the worlds manliness boxers in the world! Even his drinking buddy Thom would compliment them this time! Even if Thom was...

 

He shook his head rapidly. No time for that. He put on his lipstick, then his eye liner, "Ha!" he blurted out in a triumphant victory shout! He put it on again without his mouth hanging open! Why was it so hard for women? "My hair...flaming..." He abruptly cut off. "Been around Uno too much lately".

He quickly put his hair in a bun and walked out, well tried to do a womanly stride out the door. A feminized version of Cat Crosses Courtyard. He strained with effort, trying so hard to get that womanly grace without his beautiful muscles bulging from his thighs. People honestly did not know the difficulty of a man dressing as a woman! The trouble he went to so Rand wouldn't laugh at him. Besides if he went as a man to a sewing circle ...a woman may never see his manliness! Then...then...he might not get married!

 

Moiraine rolled her eyes, Siuan had been complaining all evening about how unreliable and unsafe the Mat-brand cars were. Though she had never had any troubles hers before. Then again she wasn't about ready to stop her either. Siuan was even more handsome when she was flustered. Moiraine couldn't help but let one of her secretive smiles roll onto her face...she barley stopped from bursting into laughter. Ah, she did love Siuan.

 

Rand looked left, then right. Eyeing each woman suspiciously, knowing there was no harm for his disguise was perfect! They would never tell! After all he was the Dragon Reb....!!! "Ahem" He said daintily. I almost said that aloud. It's all your fault Lews Therin!. Lan had been going on and on while in a drunken state about how much he use to love sewing when fighting the Aiel. Bukama had taught him. But the peace had dulled his senses. So he thought he would just this once! Infiltrate this suspicious meeting and see what possible evil compulsion they were using on Lan.

He sneered in disgust at the other womans choice of clothing as he took his chair with a mildly decent cushion. Have they no sense of fashion! "I'm the Dra!..ga..gah...*Ahem*" He politely said over his fist giving a delightful smile to one of the passing ladies. His own choice was a deep red dress, with long sleeves, and silver dragons embroider on the arms After all...gold was tacky, lace at the cuffs and neck line. And a charming pearl necklace. With only a few gems in his hair. Mildly dressed, should be fine. I'm the!!! Stop that Lews Therin! He growled a curse in his head and sent the man fleeing to a buzzing in the back of his mind.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed two women entering, one was rather short. But quite beautiful. Though of course he was the best looking here after all. Being the Dragon Reborn and all. But she was a close third he thought to himself.

 

Lan couldn't help but smile and feel a little giddy. Finally! My Boxers of all the manliness in the world! Shall be complete! Tonight! *Rolling thunder and a "To be Continued" sign*.

[jan 14]

More, more!

[Kaitlin 22]

Oh Ash, I think I may love you. A close third after Rand and Lews!

 

More more!

[jan 14]

Oh Ash, I think I may love you. A close third after Rand and Lews!

 

Hey, and what about me?!

[Kaitlin 22]

ilu2, jj <3

[jan 14]

Hmmmph... well, in that case... *swings topic back to Ash's fanfic* ... I have a feeling all the "women" are going to turn out to be men!

[Iris 0]

LOL, very clever how you incorporated the sword forms into it.

A feminized version of Cat Crosses Courtyard.

 

Mat-brand cars too! lol.

 

Iris also enjoyed it. Such comedy!

 

By the way it's sewing, not sowing. If they were sowing, they'd be farmers.

 

Here are Moiraine's glasses:

[AshSnow 0]

LoL Thanks Kaitlin and Jan!

 

Thanks Liverella =].

 

Glad everyone liked it! Turned out much better than i thought. Never really have written a fan fic before so. Oh thank you for that...sometimes my english is a tad off.

 

Well I'll have part 2 up sometime today then.

[Tosh 8]

I have a feeling all the "women" are going to turn out to be men!

Well we've always suspected Siuan haven't we?

 

I wish Rand really was a woman in the books.

 

Great job on the fic Ashsnow, though I have to say, the world's manliest underpants wouldn't be made of cloth.

[Marie 73]

I have a feeling all the "women" are going to turn out to be men!

Well we've always suspected Siuan haven't we?

 

http://moiraine.net/forum/showpost.php?p=15357&postcount=11

[Kaitlin 22]

http://moiraine.net/forum/showpost.php?p=15357&postcount=11

 

*nods* Moiraine had the hots for facial hair even then. I bet she asked Amalisa to draw a fake one on.

[Olivia 26]

http://moiraine.net/forum/showpost.php?p=15357&postcount=11

 

OMG, I had forgotten (repressed?) that! SiuMan.

 

"Stop poking my back with your finger, Siuan."

 

Siuan only cackled perversely from directly behind Moiraine, not bothering to correct her.

 

-- Deleted scene from the NS page with this image.

 

@ Kaitlin: Yeah, I'm pretty sure there was a mustache-ride involved when "convincing" Thom to go to Tanchico in TSR.

[Kaitlin 22]

It happened when Moiraine heard Thom crying from right outside the door. She had to do something to quiet him down, otherwise the servants would all come out and see her. *nods*

 

And Moiraine is definitely getting poked in the ... back.

[Olivia 26]

But what is she getting poked with, that is the question. ;D I can imagine Man-Siuan cackling and twirling her (edit: his) goatee.

 

And lol, the servants. Well, we know Moiraine likes to brag and she comes from a line of depraved nobles - maybe she is an exhibitionist!

[AshSnow 0]

wow this got off topic

 

 

 

Part 2: Infiltration success?

 

Thom blew out his mustaches. Well my bangs...I had to shave off my beautiful mustache. A tear trickled down from Thom's eye. From his mastery of the Game of Retail Marketing he had already figured out who most of the players here were. Except for that one dashing lady with Stars and Moons in her hair. But he was more interested in the beautiful new comer who made his heart skip a beat, he could only describe her as pretty porcelain doll.

 

Cadsuane continued her sewing pretending to ignore everything, when really she knew everything. Rand was an easy one to guess, sticking out like a sore Dragon Reborn. She had to take a second glance for Thom, though there was no surprise in him being here, after all, it was part of her plan. Besides he looked good in green silks. Uno being here was till rather odd. But finally the two most anticipated new comers arrived.

 

Moiraine flowed across the room, with her dark blue silk dress swaying as it lightly brushed the floor. Arm in arm with Siuan as they both gracefully went toward their seats. Well, as graceful as Siuan could be.

 

It's always so hard for me to keep in step when holding Mo's arm Siuan thought while faintly blushing. Somehow Moiraine was more stunning in a plain dark blue silk dress without any embroidery or lace, perhaps it pointed out Mo being simply beautiful just as she is.

 

Uno fidgeted in his red slashed with white cream skirt, pretending to adjust it. It's not that I want to be here. It's not that I want to be here. He kept reminding himself. It was just people had been telling him lately how hard of a man he was, and maybe taking some kind of class would soften him up. Mat told him women liked these kind of bloody things, not that he knew why.

 

Moiraine took her seat across from Thom, between Siuan and Rand. Letting go of Siuan's arm she gently picked up the tea cup offered to her by one of the Maids, taking a sip of the mint flavored, honey tea, she noted something about the Maid that she tucked in the back of her memories for later.

 

Moiraine ever so slightly smiled at Thom, or was it his imagination playing tricks on him?

 

Cadsuane rose and announced "Now that we're all here, except for that Twit Elayne who apparently has had tragic incident. It seems she fell yesterday into a rather deep hole and broke her leg and is unable to attend. She said Avi would be taking her place...but she seems to not have arrived yet". " Onto the reason we're here, I'll be teaching you all the Plucking the Low-hanging Apple technique today. And Ran....Randineva, please pay close attention, I won't do this twice."

 

Rand and Lews grudgingly nodded in agreement.

 

Cadsuane deftly performed the technique, sewing in and out with Master level precision.

 

After many minutes later...Cadsuane finally finished.

 

Lan jumped to his feet! Sweat beading on his brow, taking in slow and deep breaths. That's it! That's what I've been waiting for! Now...now...now I can complete the Most Manliness Boxers in the World!

 

Rand refusing to be out done immediately jumped to his feet adding a spin that made a flashy display of his red silk dress. "I'm the Dragon Reborn!"

 

Uno followed suite standing and drawing his sword "I'll die to that!"

 

The echos of steel clashing on steel rung out in the halls of the house. Where secretly a maid was hiding behind one of the doors, trying to stifle a desire to laugh as he strummed his harp.

 

Part 3: The Face Off! (Part: A)

 

Uno did not come unprepared! For he had learned Leopard's Caress and Kingfisher Circles the Pond before coming here! But then Lan countered with Cutting the Apple Blossoms, followed by a swift Hummingbird takes the Nectar.

I'm the Dragon Reborn! The Dragon Reborn! I will NOT lose! Rand busted out Cat takes the String, then Skimming the Water, followed by a stunning Parting the Silk. The fierce battle ragged on, all of them fighting desperately to be the first to complete the Worlds Most Manliness Boxers!

 

Lan made a ferocious counter attack, steel rang on steel, as he tempted to foil Uno with his needle. The battled back and forth, Uno parrying with his needle in Dove Takes Flight, in mid stitch turning it into Lizard in the Thorn-Bush. But Lan dodged then countered again with Lighting of Three Prongs!. They danced in a perfectly flowing dance of death.

 

Mean while Rand gave up from feeling left out of the battle and went to sulk in the corner.

 

A sudden flash crossed Thom's eyes. Underestimating me will cost them dearly. As Thom twirled his Mustac....er...lace on the hem of his green silk dress.

 

Moiraine....

 

*End*

 

And I'll complete part B and Part 3 sometime tomorrow. That'll either be the final part, or there will be one more.