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The 15 Creepiest Vintage Ads Ever (really!)


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i did not come up with the captions, by the way. enjoy! (i guess?)

 

15. White Bread Demon

"Bread is swell, but what I'm really excited about is eating jelly made from the blood of the innocent!"

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14. French Suicide Sausage

It's enough to make you want to eat Kosher forever.

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13. A Girl Around The House

It's nice to have a girl around the house... especially if you are a psychopath serial killer who makes women into rugs!

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12. Chubby

Who needs self-esteem when you can have a free fashion book for chubbies? Also, proving that advertising weight representation has always been screwed up, the girl pictured is totally not chubby.

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11. Christmas Weapons

The family that guns together, has funs together.

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10. Eye patch. Shirt. Baby Tiger

Sexy?

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9. Chase & Sandborn Spanking

She totally deserves it. Seriously, what kind of woman doesn't "store test" for fresher coffee?

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8. Fry's Chocolate Nightmare

Nothing wants to make consumers buy chocolate more than 5 faces of a sickly kid looking 5 different shades of miserable.

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7. Root Beer Baby!

Mama, please DO NOT give your baby another glass of Root Beer. It is clearly doing something horrible to him. He is terrifying.

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6. Locked Out

You better wash out your privates with Lysol, or your husband will install cartoon locks on the door.

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5. Pears Soap Disaster

"Pears Soap- now with such a soothing lather, you won't notice that your baby has gotten into a horrible accident!"

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4. Postage Meter Murder

"Is it always illegal to kill a woman?" This is a truly important question and makes us want to buy a new postage meter.

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3. Shave Yourself

The old man baby's gonna sing karaoke into a razor! Hooray!

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2. Baby Soft

JonBen

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5 is definitely by far the worst. i see no connection between the nearly crushed, crying infant and soap. and what is the thing that crushed it---a giant clay bowl? *shudders*

 

i also dont get number 4!

 

i found the spanking one to be the most funny/laughable in spite of our other thread. :lol:

 

but dude number 6 (?!?) i was trying to read the fine print to see if that's really what the article is about! lysol?! :twisted:

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These are all incredibly creepy. What were the advertisers thinking? The baby getting crushed by that copper bath tub and the killing woman thing are the worst.

 

Also, the first one in the list has the most evil evil child ever.

 

*sips cocoa and waits for clowns*

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